It's unconscionable that we need to post another article like this one, but the sad fact is that there’s been another school shooting and more than likely, our children are aware that this has happened – again. They’ve talked to their classmates, overheard adults talking about it, got bits and pieces from TV news and social media. Texas may seem likes it’s a world away from us, but when a tragedy such as this happens, it hits very close to home. Parents of school-aged children become nervous about the possibility of such a horrible event happening in their own child’s school, and our children become nervous about attending school as well.
So, what’s the best way to know how they’re feeling? Ask them, really listen, and know that their questions, their thoughts and concerns are likely to be quite different from the questions we have as adults. In order to help them understand and begin to cope, we have to determine just how much information we need to share with them and actually understand what their immediate concerns are. A child’s age will determine just how much information we should share, but we must also gauge the emotional toll the news of a tragic event puts on our child. We need to be patient, and we need to be understanding if we need to have these conversations over and over again as children may not be able to digest everything in one sitting.
Right now, it’s important to keep routines in place, especially if your child outwardly shows signs of anxiety. Children gain security from predictability, and daily routine helps to provide that.
Limit the amount of media, all media, that your family takes in, whether it’s on-line news, social media, radio, TV, or newspapers. If you’re replaying the same coverage repeatedly, no matter what the source, it’s not helping you to get any new information but is likely creating an atmosphere of fear, anxiety, and sadness in your home.
Don’t expect your child’s concerns to disappear quickly. It may be days, even weeks following a tragedy, that we need to help our children cope and feel safe again. Reading books to younger children can be a help. One recommendation is a book by Chandra Ghosh Ippen entitled Once I Was Very Very Scared. In this story, many animals go through scary experiences, each reacts differently to the event and has its own way of coping.
For older children, taking some kind of action may help. It’s natural to look for a place to lay blame for a tragedy like a school shooting, but anger doesn’t take away grief or solve the problem. Anger just begets more anger. Help your older child find a way to advocate for a solution, bring attention to the problem, join up with others to speak out. It may not solve the problem, but it will make a difference and help them to feel like they’re doing something, anything, to work to make things better.
The bottom line is, there have been many school shootings this year, and even more mass shootings outside of school settings, so adults and children alike, are feeling the sadness and anxiety that follow these events. Keep having conversations with your children, stay on top of how they’re feeling, how they're thinking, and continue to look for ways to create safe spaces and healthy outlets for your family.
For more information on how to talk to your child following a frightening school event such as the one that just occurred in Texas, see this publication put out by the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement, and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.
